My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
