I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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