I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
