then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
