I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
