It was confusing and full of hummus
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
