i just wanna soil my oats bro
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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