Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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