he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
