just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i now understand why vodka
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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