I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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