watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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