It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
