I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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