Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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