So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
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I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
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My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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