lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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