...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
