put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
