Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My bed smells like the plague
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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