don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
