think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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