We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.