it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.