PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I can text with my tongue
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
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when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
she was concerned about my dick piercings.