Don't make out with my wife yet
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
