ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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