Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
