I never want to see another naked old woman again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
These tits shall not be calmed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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