Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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