you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
