u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up backwards on a recliner
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
