then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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