the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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