hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
