how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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