The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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