This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
