i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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