You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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