So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I currently don't understand fingers.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
