so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
