How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
