these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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