I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
