maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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