Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
