dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
