Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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