Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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