saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think your dad took our porno
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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