I want to stick my p in your. b.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
