i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
