haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
