Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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