Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
