i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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